Total Recall
Director: Len Wiseman
Starring: Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston
{Rating: 2.5/5]

It’s concerning, but not surprising, that Total Recall, the Arnold
Schwarzenegger vehicle primarily remembered for a three-breasted woman and
the phrase ‘Start the reactor!’ has been remade just 22 years after its
original release. What is surprising, however, is the changes that were made
– adding in plot complications and backstory that make the original story
about a mythical alien reactor that could terraform Mars into an oxygen-rich
environment seem sensible by comparison.

Colin Farrel stars as a lowly factory worker who lives in “The Colony”
aka Australia, but works in the The United Federation Of Britain. The Colony
and The Federation are the only two habitable locations left on Earth, after
chemical warfare destroyed the rest of the planet.
Despite being married to Kate Beckinsale, reprising her role here from every
other film where she’s played an arse-kicker for director husband Les
Wiseman (specifically the Underworld films), Farrel is listless and
unfulfilled. He decides on a trip to ‘Rekall’ who offer implanted artificial
memories, but before his implant can begin, all hell breaks loose, and
Farrell goes on the run, fleeing from his undercover secret agent wife, and
the minions of Federation ruler Bryan Cranston.

Total Recall gets off to a good start, keeping the guns-and-martial-arts
action lively and fast-paced. But Wiseman and writers Kurt Wimmer and Mark
Bomback never figure out how to raise the stakes – they want to tell a story
about society, humanity and classes, but framing the story purely through
Colin Farrell’s eyes means the scope never gets expanded enough to have any
impact. Too many of the design choices raise more questions than answers
(why does The Colony aka Australia now have the dilapidated look of a Hong
Kong
slum?) and although Wiseman has a good eye for framing a fistfight, he
doesn’t bring anything new to the table here.

Anyone who has seen the original will find the second half frustrating as it
begins to hit all the same plot points, and anyone who hasn’t may find the
required suspension of disbelief even more frustrating.
But it has Farrell, Beckinsale and Jessica Biel all running around, looking
attractive and shooting at each other a lot. If that and a three-breasted
woman sound like a good time, this movie will be right up your alley.