So, a CD arrives in the mail and the first thing the journalist does is reach for the band’s press release or band ‘bio’. You’d be amazed at how generic, plain bad, and hackneyed, most of these things are. In their effort to subvert the dominant paradigm the Delta Riggs have provided their own hilarious bent on what a band should do to grab a bored journo’s attention. The Delta Riggs are, by the way, currently touting their fine new album Hex.Lover.Killer
HOW TO WRITE A BAND BIO …BY THE DELTA RIGGS
1 – Come up with as many adjectives you can to explain your early incarnation as a band and how you have developed. No one will really care about this but it’s good fodder for journalists.
Eg. The Delta Riggs have been playing together for 5 years now in various forms. Their current line up is still classified as infant at 2 years old. These two year olds really know how to fucking drink though and they are quite talented little children. Live they are at their best and known to be “Audacious”, “Frenetic”, “Energetic” and very, very sweaty.
2 – Manifest some whimsical blurb about how you randomly stumbled across your sound..
Eg. One day while walking through the field of ten thousand daisies, Elliott and Rudi heard a rustle amongst the tall grass. They decided to take a closer look, suddenly an eight foot praying mantis came hurtling towards them at a blistering pace. Rudi stumbled over face down in the shrubbery, his long limbs debilitating him from making a quick escape. Hazily looking up, he saw the 8 foot giant catch up to Elliott. Paralysed by fear and trepidation Rudi watched as the monster leant down and handed Elliott an unidentified object and thought it was very well the end for his skinny little friend. Perplexingly the Praying Mantis just levitated right there in front of them, gave them a wave and was off. Elliott, dazed and confused by what had just happened was left holding a cassette tape. On the tape a tiny white sticker read “The New Sound”. The rest is history.
3 – Make a list of accolades and other artists you have “shared” the stage with, no matter how insignificant they may be.
Eg. The Delta Riggs have played a slew of festivals across Australia, including but not exclusive to: Big Day Out, Peats Ridge (RIP), Pyramid Rock, Queenscliffe Music Festival. They have also had the pleasure of touring with Primal Scream (UK) , Devin (NYC) and Stonefield among others. They also have played a few abandoned alley ways and one time got shut down by the police. Though very kindly, the fuzz watched attentively and let them finish the song they were currently playing. Therefore creating a new genre “Cop Rock”.
4 – List current members and their talents, if there is anything else of importance that could be used and is of interest (or not) , be sure to add into this step.
Eg. The Delta Riggs are currently a touring five piece band, this is the smallest incarnation as at times they have had 8 people on stage. This was a nightmare for anyone involved in production but it was fun for the care free Delta Riggs.
Elliott Hammond is a multi instrumentalist, you can hear him sing lead vocal, play drums, harmonica and organ. He also plays in Wolfmother on organ and percussion. Alex ‘Rudi’ Markwell is a fantastic guitar player and singer. He also is a gun engineer and producer, full time nerd. He has mixed everything The Delta Riggs have ever recorded. Michael Tramonte is one part of the rhythm section on bass and also aids Rudi in the singing department. He is also known to have the best hair in the band and loves a chat. Simon ‘Showbiz’ McConnell is the other part of the rhythm section on drums. Simon loves to paint and is a vibe specialist. Tristan James is the newest and fruitiest member to the band is also a fantastic guitarist. He wears size 6 girls jeans, is writing a novel and loves to do yoga.
5 – Make sure you list anything you are currently promoting or any upcoming events of note, even if you are playing at your 10
Eg. The Delta Riggs are in the final stages of mixing and mastering their debut album titled Hex.Lover.Killer. First single ‘Rah Rah Radio’ has hit the JJJ airwaves and a visual feast of a film clip. The Delta Riggs will also be releasing their own range of Wind-Surfing inspired apparel sometime in the cosmic future.
6 – Anything else you want to big note yourself on here?
Eg. The Delta Riggs will be heading to the UK in May to play some festivals and do a run of club shows. They also love what they do and wouldn’t trade each other in for the world.
7 – Finally sign off with something deep/cheap that’ll keep people wondering:
The only thing worse than being blind is having sight and no vision.