Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Starring: Megan Fox, Will Arnett, William Fichtner
Directed By: Jonathan Liebesman
Reviewed by Brendan Dousi
[Rating: 2.5/5]
It’s time again. It’s time to keep flogging that cash-horse for all its milk-money that it has inside of…I think I’m crossing my metaphors. Either way, there’s a new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles revival out. A Michael Bay produced one at that. The forecast doesn’t look good, does it? The problem is, these Ninja Turtles are actually a really promising franchise that deserve a good (or passable) adaptation. So, while hopes aren’t high, how badly can someone really screw up the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?
April O’Neil (Megan Fox) is a down on her luck reporter, you know, so down on her luck that she has her own segment on a successful news station, but she wants more. She’s sick of doing fluff pieces and wants to be a real journalist. Local terrorist acts by a group calling themselves the ‘Foot Clan’ attract her attention as she works out where they will hit now in time to see the Clan taken down by a mysterious shadowy figure. Determined to find out who this vigilante is, April gets herself embroiled into a world of trouble and eventually tracks them down. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, consisting of Leonardo the leader-y one, Donatello the nerdy one, Michelangelo the 90s jokester cliché one and Raphael the gruff loner who apparently has really gotten into steroids lately (seriously, that turtle is jacked). Recruiting the help of a slimeball cameraman she works with, Vernon (Will Arnett) and her dead fathers old research buddy Eric Sacks (William Fichtner), April must help the Turtles stop the Foot Clan and their ominous leader Shredder before they do something seriously ‘gnarly’ to New York City.
This is a big, loud and silly film, there’s no point in denying that. The plot and story are contrived, the characters shallow and the humour exceedingly juvenile. The travesty that is the Transformer’s franchise, especially this year’s Age of Extinction, has left this film with a level of foreboding. Just the knowledge that Bay is involved is enough for a lot of people to write this film off. If anything, though, this may have worked in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ favour. Expectations are set so low that this loud, silly and trashy film is actually fairly darn enjoyable. You know it’s stupid, but you were expecting that so you revel in its stupidity and the few moments of actual creativity or personality stick out even more.
The performances aren’t that bad at all, Megan Fox does fine as April and director Jonathan Liebesman shows levels of restraint Michael Bay never dreamed of, resorting to only a singular blatant ass-shot (the awful one seen in the trailer that misleads you into thinking there will be a lot more where that came from). Will Arnett also lends a weirdly charismatic voice to the film as the skeezey comedic relief character. The turtles themselves are actually fairly enjoyable. Each has a distinct personality, clichéd as they are, and look which immediately places this film miles ahead of Transformers. You can always tell who is who in the action scenes (Hallelujah) and each character is given a moment or two of empathy for the audience to form some actual attachment. That said, while I’m sure the kiddies will love him, man Michelangelo’s jokester attitude gets old fairly quick.
Prepare to be somewhat surprised if you actually decide to go see this film. Keep those expectations at Bay-level and you might just be in for an enjoyable, yet brain-dead, foray into the world of those Heroes in a Half-Shell you know and love. It may even be enough to pique your interest in that inevitable sequel they just announced.
