Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters
Starring: Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton
Directed By: Tommy Wirkola
Reviewed by Danielle Muir
[rating: 2.5/5]
In the vein of fairy-tale and myth absurdities comes Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters – presenting with fierce attitude and ‘candy-coated carnage’ what happened to the sugar-indulgent siblings once they threw that old witch into the flames. Using Bond girl and Bourne 2 as the potty-mouthed grown-ups with witch-slaying artillery that would make Bruce Willis salivate, surely things can only turn into a rollicking good time?
Yes and no. Whilst there was enormous potential for bad-assery, and there’s certainly no shortage of guts, swearing, fight choreography and screeching guitars, Hansel and Gretel fails in the very thing that birthed it – an interesting story. The story goes that the sibling hunters for hire continue to slaughter witches after their first foray within that delicious house. After arriving in a little village of which the children are being pillaged, Hansel and Gretel discover that this is no ordinary contract killing. I searched for a more substantial plotline but it was lost in amongst the gunfire.
Not that mindless action films aren’t enjoyable. I relish a good ‘light’s are on but nobody’s home’ action film, but the witch hunters seem to have lost power altogether. Even leads Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton don’t really seem too enthused, delivering their ‘bad-ass’ lines with a sigh of obligation. Must be difficult running around in all that leather. There’s something going on about 12 moons meaning 12 children, which is one of two bare bones plotlines – but honestly, take away the storyline and you essentially have the same film. The witches themselves are somewhat entertaining, revamping the ugly, animalistic style of sorceress somewhat replaced in the present by fuzzy little British kids on broomsticks.
What saves Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters from complete abhorrence are the glimpses of the almost-as-cool-as-the-studios-wanted-it through its action sequences and over-the-top gore. Hansel and Gretel’s weapons are hilariously OTT, with a semi-automatic machine gun being used to mow down a plethora of wicked ones being particularly amusing. In addition, a loveable troll named Edward brings the only sympathy you’ll feel in two hours, with his enslaved predicament and penchant for stomping in heads. Limbs are ripped, guts are flung, and you can’t help but realise how shocking gore becomes less shocking the harder films try.
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters almost hits the mark with its desire to be effortlessly cool – if more attention were paid to beefing up the script than the special effects then we might have had a mindless winner. As this is not the case, I couldn’t give a single care in the world about the film, as I could have sat playing solitaire for two hours and feel no less fulfilled.
