Safe Haven
Starring: Julianne Hough, Josh Duhamel, Colbie Smulders
Directed By: Lasse Hallstrom
Reviewed by Danielle Muir
[rating: 1.5/5]
Out of all the ‘from-the-book-by-Nicholas-Sparks’ films this is easily the worst. Even The Lucky One had the decency to throw in a few war scenes to, you know, actually have events occur in their film. Safe Haven expects us to survive on shots of sweet-as-pie Julianne Hough walking around, sitting, making idle chit-chat with the hottie DILF in the grocery store and talking to her creepy ‘neighbour’ (Smulders) whose ‘startling revelation’ almost made me throw up my hands and abandon the whole tired schmozzle. I think producers have to realise that there will never be a romantic drama as popular or well-made as The Notebook – therefore stop making Nicholas Sparks’ books into films because they’re progressively looking more and more like empty money-making ploys targeting single women. And no matter how secretly desperate or lonely these women may be, they’re not idiots. Where your empty films fail to satisfy their intense cravings for affection, chocolate always will.
Despite a whole lot of nothing that is the first three-quarters, some kind of a plot that was written on a script floating around in cyberspace somewhere. After leaving a house distraught and bruised with a man bleeding out on the floor, Katie shears off and bleaches her hair, then jumps on the next bus out of town. Ending up in sleepy old South Port, she finds a job, dilapidated house and courts the kindly Dad who runs the local grocery store. Little does she know, her past will soon catch up with her…
Not soon enough if you ask me. The scene where ‘her past’ sets the town ablaze is by far the only significant thing that happens in two hours, and yes it is always shocking to see a woman being physically abused by a stronger male. No doubt about that. But it would be extremely difficult for the human body to survive on two meals a week – therefore giving me two significant events in as many hours doesn’t bode well for my interest.
Maybe the filmmakers thought that Hough was cute enough and South Port picturesque enough to make us forget that we’re watching a film, not a travel advertisement, but I can’t stress enough how this movie is comprised of nothing. And the ‘twist’ at the end is one big smack-your-forehead-in-embarrassment moment – if you haven’t already figured it out, which is likely. The leads performances are exactly what they’ve been given, and there’s not much of a spark as one hasn’t been written into the script. However, if nothing else I’m told the film is true to the book – which doesn’t bode well for its quality either, but for its target market it seems to be a case of something going horribly astray in the translation from novel to screen.
Everybody, stop hoping for another The Notebook – just re-watch it instead of Safe Haven. Or have a nap. The experience will be infinitely more gratifying.
