The late – great – Meat Loaf passed away this week. We rummaged through our vaults and found this classic interview done with Meat Loaf by Andrew Stafford. The interview was from 1995.

Dateline: Some Thursday

Interview subject: Meat Loaf 

Reason: Release of new album Welcome to the Neighbourhood

Disclaimer: All paragraph distinctions are arbitrary devices. Read this story as you might a Monty Python sketch. Mr. Loaf’s answers are roughly in order, though they have been edited heavily due to space constraints. 

Surgeon General’s Warning: Sedation advised before reading. Sedation mandatory after listening.

Time Off: This album is with us so soon! Only two years since Bat Out of Hell II.

Meat Loaf: But I don’t understand your question—all this stuff has absolutely no bearing or relationship to what the record actually is! It has no bearing or relationship to any of that! The fact is that the record is here and the fact is that the record is AB-SO-LUTELY BRILLIANT and there are people who say it’s the best record I’ve ever made! And I say, wait a second! Bat Out of Hell is a classic record. If you compare it to an orange, it is a perfect orange, hanging on a tree just waiting for someone to come along and do something with it. And about thirty-five million people have done something with that orange. With this record Welcome to the Neighbourhood, if Bat Out of Hell is an orange, this is an apple! And we’re waiting to see how perfect that apple is. To me, the apple’s perfect. And the bottom line is the buck stops here and for this record to be a success, it’s my choice, and this record is a success right now if it doesn’t sell one copy, because when I listen to it, I go, THIS RECORD IS GREAT. How do you judge how great your work is? There’s only one way to judge how great your work is and that is this way: Did I give EV-ery-THING on every second that I had to give to this project? There are no seconds that are worth throwing away. And that’s how you make a great album and that’s how you become successful. It’s not a matter of money, it’s not a matter of how many records you sell, it’s none of the above. That’s it. THAT IS THE MEASURE OF TRUE SUCCESS. 

[At this point, the phone is apparently put aside for a moment.]

Time Off: Right. Ah, thanks for that. Are you still there?

Meat Loaf: Yeah! I just had a drink of Diet Coke after that soapbox speech there. I should have been on speakers corner in London.

Time Off: Right. Let’s change tack now.

Meat Loaf: That would be a good idea on your part. I’m eating a cookie now.

Time Off: Do you get tired of performing?

Meat Loaf: You know what? When I think I have nothing more to learn and nothing more to give and I can’t stand on the stage with any performer in the world—okay—and give it in exactly the same way…[more in this vein for a while]…I’ve been reading all these editorials about the ARIAs with these people going on about it’s time to move these old guys out and let these youngsters come in. Fine. I have no problem with that. I have absolutely zero problem with that! BUT…just for the sake of moving some kid in, what about the talent part of it?…[spluttering]…You know? What about TALENT? Throw away Jimmy Barnes if you want! But make sure that you’re not throwing the baby out with the bathwater…[he turns to his publicist]…I love that phrase.

[About a thousand words redacted at this point.]

You think of yourself as this: GOD GAVE ME THE ABILITY TO DO WHAT I DO. That’s the bottom line here, and when HE says to me—not some editor at a newspaper—when HE says to me, you’ve done this long enough and it’s time for you to go, that’s when I’ll go.

Time Off: Um. Yeah. There’s a certain parody…

Meat Loaf: I didn’t say parody! I didn’t use the word parody! Don’t put words in my mouth! You know what? I’m sitting around here thinking how I can be funny on television. And what’s wrong with being funny? Nothing! So why is it that musicians can’t be funny? Who wrote the famous rock and roll guidebook that says musicians must take themselves FAR too seriously? They must be MOODY, they must PRETEND to be intellectual and they are NEVER! EVER!! allowed to be funny!

Time Off: Can I finish my question please?

Meat Loaf: [To publicist]…He wants to finish his question. I think I’ve driven him nuts. Go ahead!

Time Off: I was going to suggest that Meat Loaf is almost a parody of rock and roll excess…

Meat Loaf: ABSOLUTELY! But what does Star Wars do? How about ET? How about Hey Hey It’s Saturday? You tell me, what would people rather watch? Crossfire, with a bunch of politicians sitting there saying how the WORLD is being RUINED? Or would they rather switch over and watch Hey Hey It’s Saturday and be friggin’ entertained?

Time Off: Well, I’ll take that as a rhetorical question.

Meat Loaf: [With great gravitas]…I think-you’re right. AND…there is nothing wrong—THERE IS NOTHING WRONG—with BIG PRODUCTION! There is nothing in the world…we’ve suddenly come into the nineties where it’s all ANTI-showbusiness and if you’re in showbusiness then you must be a fool. You can’t perform for these people; they don’t want to be entertained. Baloney! I like to do LIGHT things, because I think that’s enter-TAIN-ment. I don’t want all this DEEP MEANING stuff, that’s not part of rock and roll! Believe me, I know EXACTLY what I’m doing. I know exactly WHY I’m doing it. I haven’t been doing it for twenty-eight years not to know. IT’S NOT A GUESS.

[Long pause] 

Time Off: Meat Loaf?

Meat Loaf: Yes, dear?

Time Off: Thank you.

Meat Loaf: YOU’RE WELCOME.